you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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