can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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