when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Vodka?
Forever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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