YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we're making bets on your personal life
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
