dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
