Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
