For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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