i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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