Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My pussy is not your playground.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
