Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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