she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
