I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
