Quick, to the slutcave!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
