i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
