Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
