I heard we made out
love makes seman taste better
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Randomize
