im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
