This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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