On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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