Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
