I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
