My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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