Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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