We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
