If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
