I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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