Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
