the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
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figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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