Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You smell like a Billy Joel song
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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