My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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