if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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