the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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