I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
