He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
