South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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