You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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