Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
being pregnant is like rehab
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
