The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize