Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
