Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize