So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
