you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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