dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
