also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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