My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
