I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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