I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
