90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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