Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
