how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
