God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
