Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
