how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
