you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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