my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
