I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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