i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Less talking, more tequila
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
