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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Why are you such a perv today?

  (586): View more from Michigan

  This is a lot to handle

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Oh shh

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm kidding you prude take a joke

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.

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• (646): View more from New York

  So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob

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• (714): View more from California

  you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.

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• (310): View more from California

  I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected

  (1-310): View more from California

  Only you would come out as bi like that

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• (631): View more from New York

  He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  The Easter sex puns were too abundant

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.

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