I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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