Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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