i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
