chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
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oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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