Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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