theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
